On Rules And Attraction
by MiladyGirl
Summary: As Blake and JJ struggle to keep their relationship a secret - something that's not so easy when you work with the best profilers in the world - there are things from the past that don't rest in peace. Femslash, obviously. Note! Fic is currently put on ice due to writer being more interested in working on other things. May be picked up some time in the future.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

This is a sequel to my story "On Misery And Company", but you do not have to have read that one to read this. The only thing you really need to know is that Blake and JJ are lovers. So it's obviously femslash. What the hell is the shipname for them anyway? JJake? BlaJJ? Whatever.

Now, I wasn't supposed to start this story at all until March, because I have promised myself to keep from having more than five works in progress at once, but when the muse is singing, you'd better drop everything and listen. Well, _I _have to work that way at least, or I'd never get anything done.

I can feel those smouldering get-to-the-point stares from here, so I will. (Garcia reference). Here we go!

* * *

_Beep! Beep!_

Alex Blake groaned, rolled over on her stomach, and tried to ignore her cell phone. It was Sunday morning, it was still dark for crying out loud, and she had been to the movies with JJ last night. What she wanted was to sleep in and just enjoy being in her own skin, for just one day. Was that too much to ask? Apparently, yes.

_Beep! Beep!_

_Again_?! She reached out a hand, knocked over the novel on her bedside table ("Catcher in the Rye", how's that for irony?), and somehow managed to catch the phone mid-air as it decided to go down with the book. Leaning back against the pillows, she glared at the screen and tried to make out the letters. She failed, rubbed her eyes and tried again. _Maybe it__'__s time to get reading glasses_, she thought and immediately banished the thought.

"_Good morning, sleeping beauty,__"_read the first text.

Followed by "_Wanna go for a morning run?__"_

Blake rubbed her face. Sleeping beauty, huh? She felt more like a cave troll or possibly a zombie. And morning run? There were two things in life Blake usually avoided like the plague, and those were early mornings and running. As she considered whether to send a sweet reply, gently declining the offer, or to send her instinctive reaction "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME SLEEP!" unedited, the phone began to ring. She pulled the covers up to her chin and wriggled into the heap of pillows as if to blend in before she tapped the screen to answer the call.

"Who _are _you?" she grunted. "It's 6.30 on a Sunday morning, why are you even awake?"

"Because I kept dreaming about you," JJ responded, not sounding a bit put off by her lover's harsh tone.

"And that was so bad you couldn't go back to sleep?" Blake retorted, but even so, she felt a reluctant smile tug at the corners of her mouth.

"On the contrary; it was so _good _I couldn't go back to sleep. I miss you, Alex. I woke up two hours ago but even _I _thought that would be too early to call."

"Very considerate of you," Blake said, yawning loudly. "Ugh." She fell silent, her breathing beginning to even out. JJ, who clearly had a sadistic streak in her, waited until Blake began to snore before speaking up again.

"So I take it a morning run is not what you had in mind at the moment?"

Her voice was dripping with playful mocking. Blake's body jerked as she woke up from the near-slumber. She resisted the urge to curse, and sighed instead.

"Tell you what, you go for your run - alone - and then come over and I'll make us breakfast."

"I love you, Alex," JJ purred in a tone that might have told Blake that this was exactly what JJ had in mind from the start, if she had been awake enough to notice any subtleties.

"Mhm. And there's no rush honey, take your time."

She was back to sleep already before JJ had hung up. She had never been much of an early riser.

* * *

Two hours later she had succeeded in dragging herself out of bed, having a quick shower - just in and out basically - and was just in the middle of making breakfast when JJ arrived.

"Hey," JJ said and gave her lover a quick kiss. "Mm, smells good."

"Are you referring to me, or the food?"

JJ laughed. "How about both?"

"I guess I have to make do with that," Blake replied and lead the way into the kitchen, returned to the stove and stirred the scrambled eggs. JJ put an arm around her waist and leaned her head against her shoulder.

"I ran into Strauss this morning. Literally."

Blake tensed. Erin Strauss was not a subject she appreciated to discuss any time of the day, but early morning was definitely the worst time.

"Really? I don't recall her being an early riser either," Blake said without thinking and nearly bit her tongue off when she heard her own words. Luckily JJ did not seem to notice, or more likely she didn't notice the full extent of their meaning. But why would she? What had been going on between Blake and Strauss was a long time ago, and it had ended in bitterness and revenge. She supposed JJ deserved to know, but discussing past mistakes wasn't something she wanted to start a relationship with.

"She was in the park, walking a dog."

"Wait, she has a _dog_?!"

"Well, I obviously can't say if it was _her _dog, but she _was _walking a dog. And I ran straight into her - look." JJ stroke her bangs aside and revealed a slight bruising on her temple.

Blake sucked in air through gritted teeth and gently ran her fingertips over the swelling. "Oh, does it hurt?"

"Well, a little, but you should see the other guy," JJ joked. Blake chuckled.

"Okay, I'll bite. Did you knock her unconscious?"

"Nope, but I gave her a nosebleed."

Blake threw her head back and laughed out loud.

"I'm glad I could brighten your morning," JJ said and Blake placed a swift kiss next to the bruise.

"You brighten everything," she whispered and turned back to the eggs, chuckling and shaking her head. She hoped she wasn't a bad person for feeling this way, but Erin Strauss had hurt her so deeply on so many levels, it was a miracle she had managed to heal at all, and she felt she was at least a little entitled to laughing about a harmless accident.

* * *

As they sat down to eat, JJ tilted her head to the side.

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"What she did to you."

Blake swallowed a forkful of eggs and reached for the coffee. "I'm sure you've heard the story, only you've probably heard her version; the official one. Long story very short, she screwed up the Amerithrax case and blamed me. In front of the media, without even telling me what was about to unravel, she simply said that I had been mistaken, and left me alone to answer questions and take the blame."

"Why would she do such a thing?" JJ asked. "I mean, I've never had a liking for Strauss, but that seems unusually heartless even for her."

"Hah, tell me about it," Blake muttered and pierced a slice of bacon on her fork, then put it down. "She can be unusually heartless indeed."

JJ considered, almost decided to leave well alone, then spoke up anyway.

"Who broke it off?"

Blake stared back with carefully expressionless face. This alone convinced JJ she had been right in her assumption; Alex's face was never without an expression.

"I don't follow."

"You were lovers, weren't you?"

Blake averted her eyes. "That's history."

"And from history, the present and the future are built. What did she do?"

"Kept me," Blake clipped bitterly, but before JJ could ask what she meant, she continued; "I was young and helplessly infatuated with her; I would have done anything she asked me to. I worked so hard on that case because I wanted to impress her, you know, make her proud of me. I thought she loved me, but it was only her ego that loved the constant boosting."

Blake sighed. "Eventually I began to see the signs; how I was supposed to be on booty call anytime she wanted me to be, while she kept the right to brush me off if she wasn't up to it… she had no plans on leaving her husband in spite of all the things she said in bed. I finally had enough of being her cheap little plaything and so I told her I wanted to break up and keep our relationship strictly a working one."

"And she did not like that."

"Not one bit, and this was the perfect punishment. She _knew _that I had the wrong suspect, and instead of telling me before it went public, she just leaned back and let me take the fall. Hell, you could almost admire the ruthlessness of that kind of revenge."

She sniffed and was surprised to notice that she had started to cry. Well, cry was perhaps a bit too strong a word. She wiped at her eyes with one hand and sniffed again. "Don't worry, I'm not going to break down," she said. JJ forced a smile.

"Oh my God. It makes me wish I had knocked her out."

Blake laughed softly. "That makes two of us." She sipped her coffee. "It's quite the cliché though, isn't it? Being infatuated with your boss."

"I had a horrible crush on my teacher back at the academy. I didn't know I was into girls back then, so I chalked it up to hero worship, but oh my God. Can you say erotomania?" JJ rolled her eyes. "But at least she never encouraged me. What Strauss did…"

Blake held up a hand and shook her head a little.

"I don't want to talk about it. Please. Let's not ruin a free Sunday by talking about her."

"Sure, okay." JJ finished her last bite and leaned back.

"Care for some dessert?"

"Dessert after breakfast?"

Blake's eyes glittered as she got up from her seat.

"Well… we could eat it in bed?"

JJ laughed and walked into her embrace.

"That sounds delicious."

And so another Sunday was spent… and JJ had time to regret the unnecessary running she had had this morning. Blake certainly knew how to stay fit through much more entertaining exercises.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alex!"

Blake froze mid-step and nearly dropped the case file she carried. She turned around and tried to fake a smile, although she knew she was terrible at fake-smiling. Her ex-husband had once told her that while her real smile was beautiful, the fake version made her look like a she-wolf ready to bite. Well, that was pretty much how she felt.

"Erin."

A good thing it was a name that could be pronounced even with your jaws clenched.

"You never took me up on that coffee offer."

_Is she kidding me? Didn__'__t she take the hint _at all_?_

"I really don't think that's a good idea. But thanks anyway." She cocked her head a little, not quite a nod, and spun around to keep walking, but Strauss called out in that low, husky voice that had once sent ripples of pleasure down the spine of a very naïve young agent named Alex Miller.

"Please, Alex."

She closed her eyes. She did not miss Erin, not the slightest, but she did miss the Alex she had been before the Amerithrax disaster. The Alex that hadn't felt the need to keep her heart protected by shields and armours. And suddenly she felt a wave of pure rage wash over her. Her knuckles whitened as her grip on the case file hardened. Erin Strauss had willingly used that innocence for her own pleasure, and now, all these years later, she had the nerve to ask her for… what, exactly? A second chance? A second chance to tear up a heart that had only just begun to heal properly?

"No," she said, her voice firm. "What happened between us is in the past, and that is where it should stay. In my personal opinion, our professional relationship works well enough, so let's keep it that way."

"I understand that I hurt you, very deeply…" Strauss began, and Blake saw red. She took one step closer, staring into her boss's eyes without caring who saw or heard them.

"No, you do not understand. You do not understand what it feels like to give your whole life to someone who abandons you the very moment you need them the most. You do not know what it feels like to keep going to work every day and hear your work mates whisper and snicker behind your back, and the one you thought loved you is _right _there whispering along with them! It wasn't _your _picture that was all over the news as they were discussing your every move and whether or not you were suitable to do your job. You did not have your heart ripped out and stepped on by someone who happily ruined your career along with your personal life. No, Erin, you do _not _understand, so don't tell me you do."

She took a deep breath after this speech and her flashing eyes challenged Strauss to respond. Which she did. In a way. She looked away and mumbled;

"I'm sorry."

"You're _sorry_? Well, sorry is cheap, isn't it? Just as cheap as I used to be; a toy."

"You were a lot more than that!" Strauss sounded shocked.

"No, actually, I don't think I was. You used me, it hurt, but I have moved on. But I don't want to have coffee with you, or talk old memories or whatever it is that you want. Just _leave me alone_."

She did not stay to find out if Strauss had anything else to say; she walked up to her desk, smacked the case file down onto it, and headed for the ladies' room as fast as she could. She was so angry she felt tears burning in her eyes and she didn't want anyone to mistake it for weeping. In fact, she didn't want anyone to know she could get emotional at all.

* * *

"JJ?"

Hotch knocked and entered.

"Hey Hotch," She looked up from the papers and noticed that his frown was deeper than usual. She responded with a frown of her own. "What's wrong?"

"You may want to go to the ladies' room and check on Blake. I just saw her and Strauss have a rather heated argument."

JJ jumped to her feet.

"What were they arguing about?" she asked, failing quite miserably to sound calm.

"I didn't hear. And the bullpen was empty, so neither did anyone else," he added pointedly. JJ gave him a brief smile of gratitude as she walked off, but inwardly, she feared the worst.

* * *

She burst through the doors of the ladies' room only to find Blake standing in front of the mirror, wiping at her eyes.

"Hey… how are you doing?"

"I know what it looks like, but I'm not crying. It's just… allergies."

JJ folded her arms across her chest and looked sceptical.

"Wow, you certainly blame everything on those," she said, referring to the 'allergic reaction' that had turned out to be a pretty nasty flu. "That must be convenient. Now what are you allergic to anyway?"

Blake met her eyes in the mirror.

"Strauss," she deadpanned.

"Well, that makes a lot of sense… what did she say?"

"It was just about the past. Nothing about us." Blake gripped the sink with both hands and groaned in frustration. "Jennifer, if she finds out about this and gives us a hard time because of it, I'm probably going to kill her."

"I'll help you hide the body."

"And come up with a fake profile."

"Yeah."

At that moment, Garcia entered the bathroom.

"Whoa, is this one of those informal staff meetings I've heard of, or just girly gossip?" She caught glimpse of Blake's watery eyes. "Hey lady, are you okay?"

Blake and JJ exchanged quick looks.

"Allergies," they said in unison. Garcia narrowed her eyes, not believing them for a second.

" My magic powers tell me something fishy is going on here and this Wondergirl _will _find out what."

"I don't doubt that you will," JJ said and patted Garcia's shoulder. Blake smiled a little and followed JJ outside, leaving Garcia staring after them and looking more puzzled than ever.

* * *

"Hotch definitely knows," JJ informed Blake as they went back to the bullpen. "I think he knew before we did."

"Did he say anything?" Blake tried to sound casual, but there was a slight tremor in her voice. For all her talk about fighting for their love and not caring about the consequences, there was still a part of her that was beyond itself with worry. She still remembered the whispers behind her back and the media harassment. The only reason she hadn't called Strauss's bluff back in those days was because it would only flip back and hurt herself. Not only would she be the "failgent" (an unflattering media nickname she had gotten, a wordplay on fail and agent that she'd normally appreciate for its wittiness), but she would _also _be labelled as irresponsible for having an affair with her boss. Not that Strauss would admit to an affair; she would probably have said something about how "poor Alex developed an unrequited crush on me".

"Not in words," JJ said and resisted the urge to pull her lover into her arms. "Easy. You're getting yourself worked up again and there is no need for it. Everything is okay." She lowered her voice. "Speaking of which, are we up for date night tonight?"

"Yeah, sure." But the look in her eyes was distant, telling JJ that she wasn't really listening.

"Uh-huh. Alex, stop."

"Stop what?"

"Your mind is spinning and it's not going into any good places."

"Sorry. I just feel like we're walking on eggshells, and it's all going to blow up soon."

"Would you feel better if we told the team flat out?"

Blake took a deep breath and held it in for a while before letting it out.

"Maybe."

"Because Rossi is having his 'team bonding party' on Friday, so we'd have a chance to tell everyone at once."

Blake winced.

"I usually look forward to those parties, but I have a feeling I'll be too nervous to enjoy this one."

"So that's a yes?"

"Are _you _okay with it?"

"Yeah…" JJ shrugged. "To be honest I think they already know. And if it had been a problem, someone would have talked to us in private. You don't know this team as well as I do, but I promise you, _they _would not cut our rope."

Blake nodded, hoping that she was right.

"Now, my plans for tonight was karaoke night at my favourite pub, but maybe you'd rather stay in…?" JJ asked.

"It's a small place, right?"

"Yeah. And the beer is dirt-cheap."

"It'd better be. Alright. But I'm not going to sing."

"Awww…"

It was simply impossible to say no to those large blue eyes, so Blake laughed and raised a finger. "Fine. One. One song."

"I'll hold you to that promise."

"I'm sure you will. Jennifer, thank you."

"For what?"

"Calming me down."

JJ smiled. "It only seems fair since I'm part of the reason you're upset."

"Don't say that," Blake snapped. "It's not your fault!"

"It's not yours either," JJ said. "Hey, we're in this together, remember?"

"You're right."

"Of course I am."

JJ reached out a hand as if to touch Blake's shoulder, but changed her mind, worried that anyone would see the gentleness in the gesture. This was already proving to be a difficult matter to handle, and she wished that Blake would be more communicative. For all her linguistic skills, she had a tendency to stop talking whenever she felt uncomfortable, and that made her difficult to read. Still, JJ didn't want to push her.

Well. Not push her _too _far, at least.

* * *

**A/N**

Because I found unplanned time to write, here's an update. ^^ I hope you guys like it. :) I got so worked up when I wrote the part where Strauss bothers Blake I was furious on her behalf (Blake's, that is). I'm not sure if it's healthy to be so engaged in fictional characters that aren't even my own, but I tend to do that a lot regardless, haha!

Okay, listen. I know the timeline is kind of wonky. In the show Blake mentions that it took a decade for her to recover after what Strauss did, which would mean that she would have been somewhere around 35-37 or so. However, I added some time to her recovering period to make her a bit younger when it happened because, well… it's, unfortunately, much more likely to be used when you're younger. Maybe I just overthink this thing and it doesn't matter, especially since I twist and bend and make up everything else at will, but still. XD


	3. Chapter 3

JJ handed her companion a large beer and sat down next to her.

"You're having those thoughts again."

"Actually, right now I'm more worried about making a fool out of myself onstage," Blake replied. JJ smiled and put a hand on her thigh, perhaps a bit daring in public, but she couldn't help herself. Blake wore a pair of black leather pants and JJ could not decide if she preferred them on… or off.

"You'll do fine," she murmured and moved her hand a bit upwards.

"…and _now _I'm most worried about not being able to restrain myself from jumping you in public," Blake commented in a half-choked voice. JJ snickered.

"I'm just testing your patience," she said softly. "And mine. The things I will do to you when we get back to my place…"

"Well, let's go then."

"No, no. Not until you sing one song. You promised. I haven't even heard you sing in the shower. I mean, _everyone _sings in the shower."

"I sing in the car?"

"No you don't, you just mumble the lyrics under your breath."

Blake couldn't help laughing. "And why is this so important?"

JJ leaned in to whisper in her ear; "Because your voice is the sexiest thing I've ever heard and I want to hear everything you can do with it."

"Oh… well, I can hardly deny a request like that, can I?" she replied and got up from her seat. JJ leaned back and drank some beer while she watched her lover move through the (admittedly small) crowd. When a man stopped Blake halfway to the stage and said something to her, JJ's grip around the glass tightened. She felt possessive; not like she didn't trust Alex, but it seemed everyone around them was a potential threat. Man and woman.

Speaking of threats, neither Blake nor JJ noticed the blonde that just came in through the door.

It was Erin Strauss.

* * *

Blake shook her hair out of her face and took a deep breath. She didn't like being the centre of attention; she was content with watching from the side, but… what the hell. Her eyes sought out JJ's and JJ's smile gave her all the courage she needed.

She knew the lyrics and didn't need to watch the screen. She began tentatively but relaxed as she went along.

"_Every now and then I get a little bit lonely,_

_and you__'__re never coming around__…"_

JJ was thunderstruck and could not take her eyes off the brunette. Sexy voice, indeed, and adding the curves hidden within the leather pants she was more than attractive; she was hotness personified._ I cannot believe I have worked alongside with her for so long without noticing_, JJ thought. Although… if she was to be true to herself she _had _noticed her from the first day. Her eyes. Her smile. Her confidence. JJ had believed it was only that touch of hero worshipping - she should be too old for that, but sometimes it still reared its head. Perhaps it was the same thing that had gotten Blake into the affair with Strauss… but Blake wasn't JJ's boss. And this was genuine love.

Wasn't it?

* * *

As Blake finished the song and stepped off the stage, someone approached her from the side.

"I had no idea you could sing like that," Strauss said. Blake jumped at the unexpected voice next to her, and once she saw who it belonged to, her features grew stern and unapproachable.

"There are many things about me you don't know," she snapped. Though _she _knew a thing or two about _Strauss_, and now she took a good look at her. The blonde seemed to be sober, and that was a relief. Blake could not count all the times she had interfered in order to keep her boss/lover from drinking too much.

"I know. I messed up the chance to long ago. I just want you to know that not a day goes by that I don't regret it. I miss you, Alex. That's all."

Blake had no idea how to respond to this, so she kept silent. Strauss cleared her throat.

"Well. So… are you here with someone?"

"Uh…"

"Sorry, I don't mean to pry."

"I really must go, Erin. Good night."

"Good night."

Blake could feel her eyes upon her as she walked off, and that brought back memories of intense passion. Perhaps she wasn't entirely past it after all.

* * *

"Go to the car and wait for me there, don't ask, just do it," Blake hissed as she walked by their table, trying to look like she was merely passing by. JJ felt utterly perplexed, but she wasn't going to argue. She got up, grabbed her coat and left the beer - not without a touch of regret .

_What the hell is happening? _

* * *

JJ had been sitting in the car for almost ten minutes when Blake finally showed up, sat down in the passenger's seat and slammed the door shut.

"What's going on?"

"Drive."

"Alex, what the hell is going on!?"

"Drive!"

Instead, JJ took the keys out of the ignition and turned to face her lover.

"I'm not starting this car until you tell me what's going on. And don't yell at me." She sounded calm enough, but her heart was pounding with something akin to fear. Alex had never yelled at her before and she hoped this wasn't going to end up with a fight, because she wasn't sure she could take it right now.

Blake ran her fingers through her hair and made a visible effort to calm down.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I saw Strauss in there. Can we please go home?"

"_Strauss_?! What happened? Did she speak to you?"

Blake rolled her eyes and shrugged.

"You know, for a linguist, you're terrible at communicating," JJ said. She hadn't intended for her tone to be so bitter, but it was. And it was the tone rather than the words that hit Blake like a punch to the stomach.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're the word magician, why don't _you _tell _me_?" She was almost yelling herself now, and the fact that she couldn't keep calm annoyed her even further. "Damn it Alex, I just want to know what's going on so I can understand, because frankly, right now you're not making any sense at all."

"I don't want to talk about it, okay?"

It was JJ's turn to roll her eyes.

"That's what you say whenever things get uncomfortable, isn't it? And I respect that, I don't want to push you, but I'm beginning to wonder if perhaps you need to be a little pushed to move at all."

With that, JJ started the car and turned out on the road. She wasn't sure if she was angry, disappointed, sad or all of the above, but she knew one thing; she didn't feel like talking to Alex Blake any more right now.

It was clearly mutual, as the silence grew between them. Blake reached out a hand and turned on the radio. She then stared out through the window and pretended she was anywhere but here. She knew JJ was right; she _was _terrible at communicating, but she had no idea how to put into words the conflicting emotions she struggled with. _It was never like this with Erin_, she caught herself thinking. The immediate answer that popped up was _No, because she didn__'__t _care _about what you were thinking or feeling. _

"Will you drop me off at home?" she finally said. "I don't think it's a good idea we spend the night together right now."

"I agree."

* * *

After dropping her off, JJ briefly pondered going back to the pub and have another beer just to spite her, but decided against it. She just wanted to go to sleep and forget this day ever happened. Maybe tomorrow would be better, but she already worried about meeting Alex at work; it had never been awkward before, but it was bound to be this time.

Damn Strauss.

Damn _Alex_.

* * *

**A/N**

I actually do have a thing for her voice; deep and low-pitched and with just a tiny hint of a rasp. Gah! And yes, I could totally see her in leather pants. God bless my dirty imagination. ^^

Back on a serious track now; tension breeds quarrel and vice versa, and emotions are always hard to explain… even to yourself. And that's all I can say about this chapter. Review if you like. ;)


	4. Chapter 4

"Where's Blake?" Hotch asked as the team gathered for roundtable the next morning. JJ stared down at her coffee mug and said nothing. Hotch gave her a brief glance, then turned to Garcia to tell her to begin.

Just then Blake entered. She looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep at all last night. In fact, she looked like crap.

"Sorry I'm late."

She offered no explanation, merely sat down in the empty chair and opened the case file on the table in front of her.

"Don't let it happen again," Hotch said, then gestured to Garcia.

"Okay crime fighters, brace yourself because you're going far, far away. To be exact, Salmon Stream, a smalltown in Alaska. Three murders in the past two weeks."

"They must be running out of inhabitants…" Rossi mumbled.

"You could say that again… Two women, one man, age 25-35. Cause of death; a single shot in the stomach."

"Being shot in the stomach and left to die is a slow and painful way to go, I think it's safe to say this unsub is a sadist," Rossi said.

Hotch said something, but JJ found herself profiling Blake's behaviour rather than the unsub's. The other woman angled her body so that she was slightly turned away from JJ, her whole body language rigid and standoffish. JJ could only see her face in profile and even so, a curtain of hair was in the way, but what little she _could _see of Blake's facial features was tense and dismissive. JJ suddenly felt like grabbing her shoulders and shouting at her to stop with the childish act, but that in itself would be acting even more childish.

She was shook out of her musings by Hotch's voice;

"Wheels up in twenty!"

She rose, straightened her back and walked out of the room.

Only then did Blake turn to look at her. But JJ pretended she didn't notice.

* * *

Once onboard the jet, the discussion continued and this time JJ managed to participate at least a little. They found no obvious motive to the murders, and it was clear as day that everyone in the town knew each other in some way. Their paths crossed on pretty much a daily bases for everyone. It was frustrating. After a few fruitless attempts at theories, Hotch changed the subject.

"Something else we need to decide on is our own lodging. It's a small place and we have only been able to rent three rooms, which means we have to share two and two. I suppose JJ and Blake will share…"

"Actually…" Blake said without looking up. "I would prefer to sleep alone."

Hotch frowned. This was what he feared; their personal issues brought to work.

"Did you pay attention, Blake? We only have three rooms booked."

"Then I'll share with Reid," she said, still refusing to look up from the case file she held in both hands. JJ felt her face heat with a blush as the silence went from slightly awkward to painfully awkward.

"So, JJ, looks like you end up with me," Morgan said, stepping in to save her face in a gentlemanly way. JJ gave him a feeble but grateful smile.

"I hope you don't snore," she said and couldn't help sending a pointed glare in Blake's direction. Only the tensing of the other woman's shoulders revealed that she even noticed the verbal poking.

"I don't," he replied, laughing a little.

"That's settled then. When we land, Morgan, Rossi and Reid, you go and talk to the people that found the bodies. JJ and Blake, you come with me to the sheriff's office and set things up."

JJ felt a surge of discomfort at his words. She knew that this was his way of getting them alone. But she nodded, trying to ignore the unpleasant feeling. _So much for blowing up in our faces_, she thought. Followed by; _damn you Alex. Why do you have to be so difficult?_

* * *

"Is there anything going on that I need to know about?"

"No," Blake clipped. JJ said nothing. Hotch looked from one to the other, knowing perfectly well that he wouldn't get the truth out of them for the time being. He sighed.

"Alright, whatever personal issue you two have, make sure you solve it. I don't wanna have to report back to Strauss that there are problems in this team," he said in a low, warning tone. "I'm sending the two of you to check the latest disposal site - it's about a two hour's drive from here and in that time I expect you to talk things through and put whatever it is behind you so you can focus on the case. Is that clear?"

"Yes," JJ said. She was relieved to get this second chance to keep up facade, but she was also worried about the inevitable talk. Blake's features were unreadable; usually her thoughts were mirrored in her eyes and the look on her face, but this time she seemed to have withdrawn completely into herself and locked the door behind her. Then it dawned on her; Blake didn't feel like she was in control, and her need for complete control was so strong it bordered on unhealthy. With this insight, JJ felt the ice around her heart melt a little.

_Alex is afraid. _

* * *

As they walked out to the car, JJ handed over the car keys. She knew that the one driving always felt more in control, so bringing up unpleasant subjects with someone was easier if the person in question was driving. Blake took the keys without a word, and as they drove off, JJ decided to let Blake be the first to break the silence.

Eventually, she did.

"I really am sorry," she said. "It's just… this is very difficult for me."

"I know it is. But we can only get past it if we talk to each other." JJ kept her voice low and calm.

Blake sighed and bit her lip as she struggled to find words.

"I speak seven languages but I still can't communicate what I feel. You have no idea how frustrating it is."

"Just say the first thing that pops up."

"I'm scared." She seemed surprised herself at the words, but before JJ could ask her to continue, she did so on her own.

"I'm scared this will end. Every time I have allowed myself to love someone I have lost them. Or it turns out they never really loved me back at all. I'm scared Erin will go out of her way to destroy us, if only to punish me for breaking up with her. I'm scared of losing my job, but I'm more scared of causing _you_ to lose _your_ job. I'm a walking bad luck charm. And _I'm not making any sense_!"

"Well, first of all, I'm not planning on going anywhere, so you don't have to be afraid of that. Second, you're making _a lot of sense_. What happened at the pub? Do you think you could tell me now?"

"Erin was there, and she spoke to me. Said that she missed me. And there was a part of me that…" she cleared her throat. "…that missed her too. While she did end up using me, it was still easy to be with her, you see, she wasn't poking into my life the way…" she stopped talking as if she had been slapped.

"The way I do?" JJ said, but she wasn't angry anymore. She began to understand.

"Sorry. That didn't come out right."

"I didn't really understand how much you need your privacy. I'll try to back out a little, but please understand that I only 'poke into your life' because I'm crazy about you."

"I'm just so used to keep to myself, it's difficult to know how or how much I can let you in."

"I know. Just don't keep quiet about everything, please? I _want _to listen. Remember?"

"Right. Sexy voice, and all that."

"And all that," JJ agreed. Blake dared to take her eyes off the road long enough to give JJ a quick kiss.

"Are we good?"

JJ nodded and stroke a coil of hair back from her lover's face. Blake turned back to the road and frowned. "Are you sure this is the right way?"

JJ stared at the muddy dirt road ahead, winding deeper into the forest.

"It looks like the _only _way to me."

"Hm. Indeed. And I'm worried about how bad it's getting; this is an SUV, not a Jeep." She scoffed as she slowed down even further. "Or a tank. Damn it, this isn't working. We have to turn around."

She had barely spoken the words when the car hit a bump that scratched the underside of the car with a horrible metallic screech.

"Shit!"

"Some language, Alex," JJ remarked, then the car hit another bump and slid off the road into the deep ditch. "Shit!"

"I couldn't agree more," Blake said, turned off the engine and sat quiet for a few seconds before punching the steering wheel with both fists. JJ touched her shoulder.

"I'll call Hotch and tell him what's happened," she said, and tapped her phone. "Uh-oh."

"What?"

"No service."

"I must say I'm not all that surprised," Blake said. "_Annoyed_, but not surprised."

"What do we do now?"

"I don't know. I'm open for suggestions."

"You really shouldn't put it that way," JJ sighed. "Especially since you made sure we won't share a room."

This made Blake laugh in spite of their situation. "Sorry. About that as well."

"Could you really handle Reid 24/7?" JJ asked as they took off their seat belts and got out of the car to inspect the damage. Blake chuckled.

"Well… I _do _have the ability to stop listening when I'm no longer interested," she said. "And I like him; he's like the son I never had."

"I like him too, it's not that. But to hear all those facts listed for bedtime story…"

"So you prefer to listen to me snoring?" Blake retorted and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, well, sorry. And for the record, I do."

Blake gently rubbed JJ's arm. "You're sweet." She then bent down to check underneath the car, sighed and shook her head. "And unless you're also a mechanic in disguise, we're not going anywhere with this car even if we could push it back onto the road."

"Even if I were, we have no tools," JJ said.

"Fair point."

Blake pulled her hands through her hair; a gesture she saved for particularly stressful situations. "Shit," she said again. She didn't even want to think about how misplaced they must look out here; pantsuits and high heels out in the middle of nowhere. Well, the good thing was that nobody was around to see them. The bad thing was that, well, nobody was around to help them either.

"Try the phone again," she said.

"Still nothing."

Blake pulled out her own phone and tried, but she didn't have any luck either. Resisting an urge to throw the useless device into the muddy ditch, she tried to think. They were miles away from civilisation, phones not working, car a useless wreck…

In the meanwhile, JJ had walked up the road, hoping she could find a signal somewhere.

"Hey, Alex? The road ends over here, and I suppose that's the abandoned loggers' camp the unsub used for disposal site."

Blake put her phone into her pocket and walked up to JJ. The muddy ground seemed to make a serious attempt at sucking the shoes off her feet, and she cursed inwardly.

_I hate the outdoors. _

JJ couldn't help grinning as she watched Alex trying to navigate between the worst pools of muddy water, only to end up stepping in another. Her dislike was written all over her face.

"You're really not a camper, are you?" JJ teased as Blake finally caught up with her.

"Not a happy one," Blake said.

"It shows," JJ said, but amiably enough, and pointed ahead. "There."

"Well then, let's go and do our job."

What none of them knew was that they were being watched.

* * *

**A/N**

Uh-huh, I'm gonna cliff-hang you there for a little while. ;)

Also, discussing uncomfortable things in the car is a technique that actually works from a pure psychological perspective. You're welcome. :P


	5. Chapter 5

"So the body was found over here…" Blake said, stopped and looked around with her hands on her hips. "Actually, I'm surprised there was anything left of it. The wild animals should have done a number on it. This is not exactly downtown LA."

"You're right. It can't have been out here for long when it was found."

"But the decomp report suggests otherwise," Blake nodded slowly. "So this is a _secondary _disposal site. The body was moved here days after time of death."

"So where did the unsub put it before dumping it here… and why?"

Blake shook her head to show she had no theory. She had a bad feeling about this place - it wasn't like her to be like that; a murder scene was a murder scene and a disposal site was a disposal site, she did not believe in ghosts or premonition, but she could not shake that bad feeling.

"JJ," she said in a lower voice. "Do you feel… uneasy?"

JJ paused. "Yeah. It feels like…"

"..we're being watched," Blake filled in and gave a sigh of relief when she could finally pinpoint the feeling. "So it's not just me, then."

"No, I feel it too. Hopefully it's just those wild animals looking at us."

"So I'm supposed to feel better that bears and wolves are watching us from the forest?" Blake said, raising an eyebrow. But JJ's comment _had _made her feel better nevertheless. She was a city girl to the core, so of course all this wilderness would make her feel a tad uneasy; it was only logical.

JJ didn't respond. She had crouched down and was busy digging something out of the ground.

"What's that?" Blake asked as she bent down to look, her hand resting comfortably on JJ's shoulder. JJ wiped the mud off the metallic item and held it up to Blake.

"I think it's a pet tag."

Blake frowned. "So the killer brought his dog along for the walk? Seems a bit farfetched."

"Hello ladies, need a ride back to town?"

Both women stood and turned in the direction of the voice. Blake reached for her gun.

"Whoa! Easy with that gun, lady."

"Who are you?" Blake called out, still ready to pull said gun out of the holster. The man, who was in his mid to late 30's and dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt, took a tentative step closer with his hands in the air.

"Name's Carl Hansen, ma'am. And I take it you're the feds. Womenfolk from around here would hardly prance about in the forest in high heels and office clothes."

Blake ignored the comment. "I'm agent Blake and this is agent Jareau. May I ask what you're doing out here?"

He shrugged, lowering his hands, but slowly, as he walked up to them.

"Hunting. I thought I was losing my mind when I heard voices out here; there's never anyone around since they closed up the lumber camp ten years ago." He grinned. "By the way, what the hell did you do to your car?"

"Hit a bump, slid into ditch," Blake said.

"Yeah, well… these roads are no fun in summertime when they're somewhat dry, but now in springtime they're just one entire fucking mess, pardon my French. Come on, it'll get dark soon and you don't look like you're equipped to camp out here for the night."

"You could say that again," JJ said and exchanged looks with Blake. For some reason, Blake still felt uneasy, but she had to admit that she wasn't particularly eager to stay out here for longer than necessary.

"Follow me. I've got my pickup truck over there."

"But the road ends here."

"Ah, _this _road ends here. I'm familiar with many more."

"Maybe then you could tell us if there is a cabin or something around here?" JJ asked, hoping that it would shed some light on where the body had been in the days before it was dumped.

"Oh yes, there's this abandoned place about a mile Northwest."

"Could you show it to us?"

"I'll be happy to," he said, still in a pleasant voice, and in one very quick movement that not even the trained FBI agents could match, he had pulled the gun out of JJ's holster and aimed it at her. He nodded at Blake.

"You, Brown Eyes, drop your gun right away or your friend will know first hand what the other guys went through."

Blake felt like she was going to faint. She had never been afraid for her own sake in the field, but the thought of seeing anything happen to JJ was more than she could take.

"Alright, just take it easy," she said, hating how her voice trembled but unable to do anything about it. She took the gun out and handed it over. "Let her go."

"Are you kidding?" he laughed out loud. "No way."

"Then take me instead."

JJ's eyes widened. "No Alex!"

"Ah, so you have the hots for her, don't you? Hmm… nope, I think I'm gonna hold on to this one." He grinned. "Hand over that tag you found."

JJ obeyed. She kept looking into her lover's eyes, willing her to stay away and do nothing stupid. She recognised the look on Blake's face. She was beyond reason now. Just a bundle of nerves and instinct.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he said and tucked the tags away in a pocket. "Hey, Brown Eyes, relax. I'm gonna hand you the car keys and you're going to drive and _not _doing anything stupid, or this sweetheart is dead. Got it?"

"Don't call her sweetheart," Blake growled.

"Ruining your nickname for her, am I?" he chuckled. "Fine, I'm not an unreasonable man. Just don't do anything stupid, is that clear?"

"Yes," Blake said reluctantly.

"Good. _Move_."

Blake began to brush through the vegetation, trying desperately to catch her own thoughts, as they were whirling around in her head like torn leaves in a hurricane. She needed to think; she _desperately _needed her cold ability to think, but it seemed to be gone.

"Get into the driver's seat. I'll tell you where to drive, and don't try any tricks because your little girlfriend here will be sorry if you do."

"I won't try anything," Blake said. She opened the door, and was immediately jumped by a large rottweiler.

"Bullet, sit!"

The dog retreated to the passenger's seat and wagged its tail.

"Go on, Brown Eyes. He won't hurt you unless I say so."

Blake swallowed. Dogs were not among her favourite animals. In fact, she wasn't fond of animals all in all. That had been another thing she'd had in common with Erin Strauss. Erin had once told her, when they were laying in bed of course, "you're the only pet I want." The young Alex had thought it was sweet. What an idiot she had been. Also, why the hell did her mind wander back to such insignificant things now? She needed to stay focused on the present.

"_Get in!__"_

She did as she was told, and started the car.

"Now, turn right."

"JJ, you okay?" she asked in a low voice, watching the blonde in the rear-view mirror.

"Fine."

"Stop talking to her."

Blake fell silent. She wanted to kill this man; she wanted to rip him to pieces with her bare hands, but she could do nothing but obeying his commands. She looked at JJ.

_Oh my love, if there was anything I could do._

JJ met her eyes and gave her a feeble smile. It was as if she knew what Blake was thinking.

_I love you _so much _Jennifer_, _and if we get out of this alive I am never going to shy away from that truth again, no matter the consequences. _

But the linguist in her kept insisting that the operating word in that sentence was _if._

* * *

**A/N**

I was going to make a longer chapter, but it was apparently the end of this chapter right here. Sometimes I wonder why I let the muse decide, but then I realise it's because I can't do it without her. She's the boss. XD

Reviews are, as always, very appreciated. Thank you for reading, and I'll try not to keep you hanging for too long. :)


	6. Chapter 6

"Stop here. Get out of the car, slowly, and take Bullet with you."

Blake glanced over at the dog. It looked calm enough, but she did not trust a killer's pet with large fangs and no language, a creature that could not be reasoned with.

"Come on, Bullet," she said. The dog perked up and jumped out of the car, running around her in circles wagging his tail like crazy.

"He likes you," the man who called himself Carl Hansen remarked in a surprised voice as he pushed JJ out of the car and then stepped out himself. Blake did not respond, but the man didn't care, he simply went on; "Odd. Bullet doesn't like strangers."

"I've never heard of rottweilers being used for hunting," she said, only to keep him talking.

"Depends on what you're hunting," he said.

"Ah. And what exactly _are _you hunting?"

"People," JJ said in a low voice. The unsub gazed at her and smiled.

"That's right. I shot my first two out in the woods. But I captured the third one alive and brought her here before I shot her."

* * *

They went inside the small cabin. It was clearly neglected, with no furniture but a few rickety chairs and a wooden table, and it smelled of mould, decay and dried blood. The floor had a large spot of blood, that had dried into the wood.

_So that's where the victim was killed… and where she was left for days before being dumped. _

Blake just managed to stop herself from imagining how they would bleed dry on this very floor as well. She was not ready to give up yet. She would _never _give up.

The unsub pointed towards the chairs. "Sit over there. I won't keep you so long it will be necessary to tie you up, but keep in mind…" he turned to Blake; "if you do anything, I'll shoot her…" he turned to JJ, "and if _you _try anything, I'll shoot _her_."

JJ closed her eyes for a moment, but what she saw in her imagination was worse than what her physical eyes showed her. Her treacherous mind kept replaying a scene with Alex shot in the stomach, dying in a growing puddle of her own blood. She opened her eyes again and turned her head a little so that she could see the still very much alive agent Blake. _I love you_, she mouthed. Alex smiled a little and mouthed the same words back.

The dog had padded over next to Blake, and now put his head on her lap, looking up at her with pleading eyes. She may have been uncomfortable around animals, but _animals _seemed to be very comfortable around _her_; it was like a curse. She couldn't count all the times she had been talking to victims' families and their pets decided that she was a perfect place to lie down on and get some cuddles from. Especially cats, but dogs weren't far behind, and one time a domesticated _squirrel _had decided to curl up on her shoulder and fall asleep.

She hesitantly scratched the back of the dog's ears and he closed his eyes in bliss.

"Bullet! Get over here, stupid dog! She's _prey_!"

_Not if I can help it_, Blake thought, but the problem was that she had no idea how to help it.

"I wish you hadn't been out there today," he muttered. "I dropped the damn tags and I haven't dared to get back until now. Of course the feds picked this day and this time to sniff around." He sighed. "Oh well. Ladies, it's been nice, but unfortunately I can't keep dragging this out, not with you. Someone might be looking for you soon. So, you might just as well stand up, and let's get this over and done with."

They stood, and as he raised the gun and aimed it in JJ's direction, Blake's mind went completely blank; instinct was all she had left and she acted on it. She stepped forward and pushed JJ to the side just as he fired a shot. The next moment, she fell to the ground with a muffled cry. She felt like she had been hit by a train, and her entire upper body was so numb it seemed her brain hadn't yet grasped the concept of pain.

JJ regained her balance and charged at the unsub, kicking the gun out of his hand with one single kick that she felt all the way up to the hip. The gun flew across the room and she ran towards it, as did he. JJ reached it first and fired two shots in his direction; the first one missed and the bullet struck the far wall, sending splinters of wood in every direction. But the second shot hit the unsub right in the chest. His eyes bulged out in a disbelieving glare before he fell backwards with a drawn-out cry of anger and pain.

The dog whined and barked, but it did not run towards his owner, nor did he try to attack JJ; he circled Blake who was on the floor.

JJ made sure the unsub was dead before rushing to her lover's side, ripping her jacket and blouse open to reveal a gushing wound. Her knees felt weak as she saw where it had hit; in the shoulder. Better than stomach, but still dangerous; it was impossible to see how bad it was underneath the skin. Blake was bleeding a lot, and JJ took her own jacket off and pressed it against the wound.

"_Ow_!" Blake whined. "_Easy_!"

"You're so stupid, Alex," JJ sniffed, barely noticing that she was crying. "You're so, so stupid."

"Hey, I just took a bullet for you…" she whimpered in pain. "…so how about some respect?"

"I do respect you, and I love you to pieces, but you're so _stupid_!"

"I'm fine…"

"Could you please, just once in a while, simply admit that you're _not _fine?" JJ grunted as she kept the pressure on the wound.

"No."

"Well…" JJ laughed shakily. "Not even you can blame _this _on allergies, anyway." Blake's lips twitched in a failed attempt to smile. She was getting pale from the shock and the blood loss, and JJ knew from one look at her face that she would either throw up or lose consciousness.

"Alex, honey, you can puke all over me if you have to, but don't you dare falling asleep. Okay? Stay with me. Hey. Alex. Stay with me."

The dog whined loudly and licked Blake's hand.

"Bullet… that's a damn ridiculous name for such a sweet dog," Blake muttered in a slurred, almost punch-drunk voice before her eyelids fluttered shut. JJ shook her, but Blake was unresponsive. There was blood everywhere, and her pulse was weak and irregular. JJ kept the pressure, but she was losing hope, and she began to cry, a wailing, desperate cry she had never heard emitting from her own throat.

The dog next to her responded to her distress and began howling.

Only Blake was quiet.

* * *

Hotch, Rossi and the local sheriff found them less than five minutes later.

"What the hell happened?!" Rossi said as they rushed to Blake's side.

"He was going to shoot me, Alex saved my life…" JJ choked on tears and as much as she tried to fight them and be professional, she couldn't. Rossi pulled her into his embrace and held her tight while she cried like an exhausted little girl in the arms of her dad.

Hotch kneeled beside Blake and applied pressure on her wound.

"Blake! Agent Blake, wake up, that's an order!" he shouted, much harsher than he would have wanted to.

"She's lost so much blood," JJ heard herself saying, still with her face pressed against Rossi's shoulder.

"She's going to make it," he assured her. "Have faith."

"I can't have faith in God, not right now," JJ sniffed.

"I meant faith in _Alex_. She's strong, she'll make it."

"Where's Jennifer?" a small voice asked from somewhere behind her.

"Right here," JJ said, wiping her tears and grabbing her lover's cold, clammy hand. "I'm right here honey, and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"'kay…" Blake murmured.

"Are you ready, Blake? This is going to hurt, but we need to get you to the car and take you to a hospital as quickly as possible."

"I'm ready," Blake said and coughed. JJ and Hotch steadied her on the way out to the car. "Bullet," she added just before they reached the car.

"What?" Hotch asked.

"The dog. Bring the dog," JJ said. The men looked confused and she snapped "Just do it!"

* * *

Once in the car, Alex leaned her head against JJ's shoulder. "Love you," she whispered. Hotch, who was seated on the other side, turned his head at the words, but did not say anything.

"And I you," JJ whispered. Before Hotch turned away again, she could have sworn he saw the tiniest hint of a smile on his face.

* * *

**A/N**

Pffft, what can I say? I need to stop torturing poor Blake soon, I'm beginning to feel pretty awful about it. Yeah, well, the story decides which path it wants to take.

Thanks for your reviews and PMs and everything, it makes me really happy to know people read and like it! Thanks! :D


	7. Chapter 7

The waiting room at the hospital was empty apart from JJ and Hotch. The two agents were sitting on a remarkably uncomfortable couch, waiting for word on Blake's condition. JJ thumbed through a magazine without actually reading it, and put it down on the table in front of her. She all but squirmed in her seat and she finally couldn't keep quiet any longer. She took a deep breath and opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again.

"Hotch, there is something you need to know about me and Alex…" she began, fiddling with the sleeve of her shirt and refusing to look at her boss.

"I already know. Since Wisconsin, right? That time when she came down with the flu?"

"Yes. I know the Bureau does not endorse, uh, that kind of fraternisation between agents working together, especially not on field duty… "

"They do not. I have no intention of reporting it though, but I want to warn you to be careful with whom you reveal it to."

"We know," JJ sighed. "Believe me, we know."

They were both silent for a while before Hotch said;

"I have to admit I was somewhat surprised."

"Why? Because we're both women?"

"No, but because you don't seem to have a lot in common."

JJ smiled without making eye contact. She felt her cheeks heat, and hoped against hope that she wasn't blushing visibly.

"Well, that's what makes it so interesting… we learn so much from each other. She got me to read two plays by Oscar Wilde and I actually liked them. And I got her to sing karaoke. Not so sure _she _liked _that _though…"

"That must have been a sound for sore ears," he joked, and although his facial features stayed as stern as ever, his voice was soft and gentle. JJ smiled.

"She _can _sing, you know."

She was quiet for a while, suddenly struggling with tears. "If the unsub hadn't gotten hold of my gun…"

"No, JJ, don't think like that. She's going to be alright."

"Agents Hotchner and Jareau?"

The doctor addressing them was young but looked very competent.

"Good news, the operation was successful; the damage caused by the bullet was minimal. She was incredibly lucky. We're going to keep her for observation a couple of days, but she's going to be fine. Agent Jareau; she's asking for you. It's not standard procedure to allow visitors so soon after an operation, but she was very persistent…"

"Yeah, she is," JJ said, smiling through tears as she got up and followed the doctor through the corridor. He showed her into a room. "Here it is. You have five minutes." JJ nodded and turned towards her lover, who half-sat in the bed with a dazed look in her eyes and an absent smile upon her face.

"Hey… how are you feeling?" JJ asked as she approached her.

"Heeey… I'm so high on painkillers and stuff I feel like I'm floating in a world of rainbows and pink cotton candy."

"That's very poetic," JJ remarked, but she felt relieved. "And how's your shoulder?"

"Fine."

JJ narrowed her eyes, and Blake's smile widened. It was a groggy, but reassuring smile.

"I'm high as a kite, sweetie. I can't feel a thing right now."

JJ sat down in the chair next to the bed and put her hand over Blake's.

"You were very brave and very stupid back there, you know that."

"Yeah, well, I think we've already covered that part," Blake said, slowly, trying to articulate the words as clearly as possible. She wasn't usually very sensitive to painkillers or any other substance, but this time, truth be told, she felt knocked out of her own mind.

"Did the doctors tell you how long you have to stay here?"

"I hope to get out of here tomorrow."

"Yeah, don't push it," JJ said. Alex chuckled a little.

"Thursday at the latest. How's the dog doing?"

"The sheriff brought him home to his place while they look for a more permanent home. You're not considering…?"

"No, no, I'm not." She smiled again. "I just hope he'll get a home with someone a bit… nicer." She heaved a deep sigh. "Now, I want you to come over here and kiss me, Jennie Girl."

"Wow, you really _are _high, aren't you?" JJ said, smiling as she leaned in to kiss her.

"_Stoned_. I told you."

"Well then, I'll let you sleep it off," JJ joked and kissed her again. "I love you Alex. Thank God you will be alright."

Alex looked up at her, smiling broadly. "I already am; _you__'__re _here, after all."

The doctor came inside and nodded at JJ. "Time's up."

"Get some sleep now," she said and stroke Blake's hair.

"Mmm, you too."

"Agent Jareau, the patient really needs to rest," the doctor insisted. JJ reluctantly left the room, but her spirit was lifted and she found herself smiling like an idiot. It didn't matter that she would have to defend the fact that someone had managed to grab her gun and shoot one agent with it; nothing mattered. They were okay. They were both okay, and that was the only thing she cared about at this point.

* * *

**A/N**

Okay, so this is just a very quick and short update; it was supposed to go with the previous chapter but because of reasons it didn't happen. :P So you get it here and now instead, and I'll try to get some writing done in the upcoming week. :)

Keep up the sweet reviews, they keep the muse happy and when she's happy, there is peace in the world. Well, in my little weird personal world anyway. I need to stop blabbering like this. Really. It's starting to feel like Facebook. ^^


	8. Chapter 8

"What do you mean, suspended?!" JJ exclaimed. The team had only been back for a couple of hours, and she was longing to wrap everything up and get home to Alex, whom Hotch had sent directly home. They hadn't had any time for themselves and she needed to feel her lover's body against her own; the last thing she needed was an argument with her boss.

Erin Strauss's piercing eyes stared straight into hers.

"I mean precisely that, agent Jareau. You are suspended for a week. The carelessness you showed with your service weapon nearly cost the lives of two of the best agents in this section, your own included. As it is, it rendered one of said agents completely useless for some amount of time."

_Did she just call Alex useless?_

"With all due respect ma'am, I think you're being unfair," JJ said. She wasn't certain if she referred to Strauss's comment about Blake or the job-related decision she had made, but JJ was getting angry.

"Do you, now? Well, let me put it this way, agent: every word you say in protest to my decision, will only reward you with yet another day of suspension. Now, hand in your badge and gun and go home."

It took all her willpower not to slap her boss, or better yet, give her a taste of the karate that had disarmed the unsub. But in the end the restraints of her willpower were indeed strong enough to hold back the reaction.

"Yes, ma'am," she growled and handed over the requested items, then she turned on her heels and left her boss's office in a hurry.

* * *

Strauss shook her head. Her inside was still a turmoil after getting the report that Blake had been shot. She recalled all the times the hot-headed agent had bragged about being bulletproof; she _had _calmed down a little as she grew older, but when she was requited at 24 she had been, well… a cocky brat, to be brutally honest. Strauss remembered thinking that in one way or the other, Alex Blake would end up shot to death one day. Her heart had nearly stopped when she learned the news over a buzzing phone line from Alaska - although Blake hadn't been killed, her bulletproofness had clearly faded - and she had immediately began looking for a scapegoat. It had seemed logical to blame JJ, but she had an oddly strong feeling that she was going to regret pinning the blame on the young blonde.

* * *

"How did it go?" Rossi asked as JJ walked back to her place and began gathering her stuff. She shrugged.

"I'm suspended."

"What?!"

"I lost my gun due to my own neglect, what else is there to say?" she muttered. "It's the first thing they teach you at the Academy and it's common sense at that; never let anyone else get a hold of your gun. I screwed up, the unsub is dead and Alex…" she had to take a deep breath before she could go on; "… is hurt."

"Alex is going to be fine. In fact, she would probably be here already if Hotch hadn't _forced _her to go home to rest and heal."

"That is true," JJ agreed. Rossi patted her shoulder.

"In the meanwhile, you have the perfect opportunity for a little mini-vacation, just the two of you."

She gave him a harsh glance, "Dave…"

"I'm just sayin'." He raised both hands as in a gesture of surrender and then smiled. "Tell her I expect both of you at my team-bonding party tomorrow. We start with dinner at seven."

"Why don't you tell her yourself?"

Rossi rolled his eyes. "JJ, drop the act, okay? You only have to officially tell Reid, Morgan and Garcia; I bet they all suspect something but they would probably like to be brought up to date. I suppose you've already told Hotch, and I worked it out myself."

"How?" Her voice sounded somewhat choked.

"It's all in the way you look at each other. Since Wisconsin, right?"

"Are we really that terrible at hiding a secret?" she sighed.

"Well, you know what they say… you can hide anything but love and a cough."

"I'm beginning to think that's right," she said and grabbed her purse. "Okay. See you tomorrow."

"Yes. And try not to worry too much. Everything will turn out for the best."

"Thanks Rossi."

"You're welcome kiddo."

* * *

Blake opened the door even before JJ had touched the door bell. They looked at each other with weary affection. Blake held out her unscathed arm and JJ walked into the wing-clipped embrace, leaning her head on Blake's unharmed shoulder.

"Strauss suspended me," she said. "And she has the nerve to…"

"Sch. Don't talk. Just come with me to bed."

"But your shoulder…"

"Yeah, I told you not to talk. Just be with me," she whispered and kissed JJ just beneath the ear. JJ shivered with pleasure and surrendered to the love that enveloped her, the feeling she got was immediate and too strong to deny.

This was home.

* * *

They had only just dozed off, JJ curled up against Blake's body with her healthy arm around her, when the phone rang.

"Nooooo…" Blake whined without opening her eyes.

"Don't answer it," JJ pleaded.

"I have to, I can't stand phones ringing," Blake groaned and snatched the phone from the bedside table; "Yes?"

"How are you, Alex?"

"Hello, Erin." She struggled to sit up, her body language already tensing up, and JJ hid her face in her hands. Erin Strauss. Wasn't that typical?

"I had hoped to speak with you in person, but Aaron told me he'd already sent you home. While I do understand it, I need your report on what happened."

"My report? You call me at home because you need my report? Tell you what, you'll have it on your desk Monday morning, but I would really like to rest now. I was shot, in case you didn't hear about it."

"I thought you were bulletproof. Isn't that what you used to say back in the day?"

"I was wrong about a lot of things back in the day."

"Well, I'm just glad you're alright. Is there anything I can do for you?"

"_No_! Um, no, actually, I was just about to take a pill and try to get some sleep, so…"

"Right. Take care."

"I will. Thank you," she cut off and hung up.

"It's… sweet of her to care, I guess?" JJ said. Blake rolled her eyes.

"She's trying to control me. That's not sweet, that's creepy," she said.

"Mm, I guess. Come on, you're tensing up. Maybe you should pop one of those pills after all."

"Or maybe I should pour a glass of wine instead," Blake replied and tilted her head to the side. "I have a nice bottle of ten-year-old Amarone della Valpolicella sitting on the kitchen counter, where it does not make anyone any happier."

JJ smiled. "And you want me to go and get it?"

Blake kissed her straight on the mouth. "Very good. Whoever said communication has to be verbal?"

"Linguists?" JJ teased and got out of bed just in time to avoid having a pillow thrown at her. She laughed as she padded out of the bedroom, thinking how much better she felt after just a little while in her lover's company. So what if Strauss had thrown a fit? In a way, she had done them both a favour; a whole week off that they could spend together - in bed even, if they wanted to - with no one to snoop in their businesses.

* * *

She found the bottle, took out two wineglasses from the kitchen cabinet and a wine opener from its place on the wall. She then paused as she was surprised to realise that she felt more at home here, in Alex's kitchen, than she did in her own. JJ hated cooking; she only did it when it was absolutely necessary and even so she ended up with mac &amp; cheese way more often than a grownup woman probably should. Blake on the other hand enjoyed cooking, she enjoyed picking out wine that complimented the dish, and setting the table decoratively. To JJ, food was fuel. To Alex, it was art. It was just another one of all the differences between them, and a very obvious one, too.

She looked around. She had to admit that a kitchen that looked like this would probably inspire cooking a lot more than her own dreary, poorly lit one did.

"Did you get lost on your way down?!" Alex called from upstairs. JJ smiled.

"I'll be right up!"

_I could live the rest of my life with her. I've never felt like this before. _

The thought should probably have frighten her, but it only made her feel warm and fuzzy inside.

* * *

**A/N**

Hahaha, I'm glad my rambling (and admittedly pointless) notes make someone laugh! This is going to make me sound really weird, but I actually talk like this while I'm browsing the web. Yes, I'm a long-time single lady. Yes, I have cats. So maybe it's only natural that I'm a little bit crazy. ^^

I wasn't supposed to work on this story today at all, but I suffer from a sudden but intense bout of Blake-withdrawal so I needed to visit this story instead of the _freakin' _novel I _should _put my time and energy into. Well. Again. The muse is the boss. Queen of the scene. I have to admit I'm jealous of these ladies by now. I too want a classy girlfriend who's willing to take a bullet for me and who buys Amarone wines just like that… especially if she looks good in suit jackets. ^^

Seriously. I hope you guys enjoy it if even half as much as I enjoy writing it. :D


	9. Chapter 9

"Do you need some help?" JJ asked, as she watched Blake struggling to get into her clothes. They were getting ready to head over to Rossi's, and JJ had been ready for twenty minutes while Blake so far had only gotten into panties, socks and a pair of slacks… but then again, JJ could use both her hands.

"No."

JJ sighed and fell back onto the bed. The blankets and sheets were in disarray but they hadn't bothered fixing it; they had spent most part of the day in bed anyway. Not bothering with any foul play though; while Blake didn't say anything JJ knew that her shoulder was giving her a hard time, and she wasn't going to risk making it worse. She was content just laying next to her, kissing and caressing.

"Fine. When you're done being stubborn, just tell me, and I'll hook the bra for you."

The older woman threw her head back and heaved a sigh from the very depths of her lungs.

"_Alright_, I'm done being stubborn. Help me. Please?"

JJ jumped to her feet and walked up to her lover. "Happy to," she murmured and took great care not to pinch Alex's skin as she clasped the bra together. "There. You know, nobody is going to think less of you if you ask for help every once in a while. You really need to grasp that concept, sweetie."

Blake didn't answer. Her face was slightly red, but her voice was steady as she said;

"Will you help me with my blouse too?"

"Sure," JJ said and gently began to dress her. It was almost as sensual as undressing her, almost as intimate - if not even more. "Are we going to officially tell them about us?" she asked, trying to make it sound casual, but inwardly she nearly held her breath. Blake was very back-and-forth when it came to this topic, all depending on her mood.

"Yes," she said hesitantly. "Well… yeah. It'll be embarrassing though."

"No, it won't be. It's just the team, honey, it's impossible to embarrass yourself in front of the team. We're family!"

"So you've never been embarrassed in front of your family, huh? I vividly remember a _ton _of embarrassing moments in front of _mine_. Also, they're still our work mates, we can't just refrain from showing up apart from Christmas and birthdays."

"I didn't think you were that easily embarrassed."

"I am if I humiliate myself in front of a group of people. Especially if it's in a professional setting."

"It won't be humiliating, I _promise _you that. And I hardly think it will shock either of them if that's what you're worried about. Rossi already figured it out, as did Hotch. They seem blatantly un-shocked if you want my opinion. And the others probably have their suspicions already, particularly Garcia. Sweetest, darling Alex, do you believe there is anything you could say or do that is going to shock Penelope Garcia?"

"Probably not…" Alex said and shoved the hair out of her face with her right hand. "But…"

"Nope, no buts, too late for that now," JJ said and placed a swift kiss on her lover's mouth. "Come on."

* * *

As they parked at Rossi's mansion, Blake took a deep breath and swallowed nervously, then schooled her features into stern focus. JJ recognised this face and hid a smile. This was Alex's "ripping-a-band aid-off"-face.

"Ready?"

"Yeah. Let's do this."

* * *

"You're right on time," Rossi said as he met them at the door. "We're still waiting for Hotch, but the others are already here."

He took Blake's coat and hung it up, and she gave him a grateful smile.

"How's your shoulder?" he asked.

"Sore," she replied and rolled her eyes.

"That doesn't surprise me the slightest," he chuckled. "Are you on painkillers, or do you want a drink?"

"Yes on both accounts," she replied quickly. While she knew she'd have to be careful with alcohol, she also knew that if she was sober she would never survive this evening. Dave nodded as if he had expected this answer.

"The bar is open, as you can see," he said and gestured towards the rest of the team, all with various beverages in their hands.

"Hello my lovelies" Garcia said and put her glass down so she could rush towards them. She hugged JJ fiercely and then turned to Blake. "I want to hug you too, pretty lady, but I'm afraid I'll rip you open," she said shyly. She had never really gotten very close to Blake, whom she found emotionally distant and confusing. Blake smiled in response.

"I'm not _that _fragile," she assured Garcia and gave her a one-armed hug. "It's nice to see you again, Penelope."

"I didn't sleep at all until I heard you were okay," Garcia admitted. "I'm always terrified something will happen to my family."

There was that word again. _Family_. Blake had never felt this kind of togetherness in any work team before. She worried that their view on her would change after tonight's confession, but…

Hotch's arrival interrupted her train of thought, and she was glad. She had a bad habit of overthinking matters like these. As she greeted her boss, JJ stuck a glass of red wine in her hand without even asking what she wanted.

"Oh, you know me too well," she murmured.

"I should hope so," JJ replied and winked.

As Hotch had gotten a properly greeting and was provided with a glass of wine as well, JJ spoke up.

"Hey guys, Alex and I have something we want to tell you. Hotch and Rossi already know but it's about time everyone is on the clear here. Eh…"

When JJ paused, seemingly unsure of how to word it, Alex took a huge gulp of wine as if to stifle her nerves. JJ laughed, more than a little nervous herself, and shrugged a little.

"Well… we accidentally fell in love."

"With each other," Alex clarified, completely unnecessarily. The room was silent for several seconds, then Derek spoke up in a tone as if they had just declared that the Earth was, after all, round;

"We know."

Blake seemed almost deflated, turned to JJ and glared at her as if this was her fault.

"Are we _really _that bad at keeping secrets?"

JJ laughed and shrugged again. "So it would seem."

A this point, Garcia could no longer take the overload of emotions sitting still, she got up from her seat on the luxurious couch and ran towards them. She flung her arms around both women at once, this time forgetting about Blake's gunshot wound altogether, and the brunette winced at the pain but endured it stoically.

"I've been waiting to say this for months now, and Derek has kept reining me in and I am so happy I won't have to keep myself reined in anymore because I'm so bad at it - oh my God congratulations my beauties! I am _so happy _for you!"

She kissed them both on the cheek and swirled around to face Rossi.

"Please tell me this calls for champagne!"

He nodded, amused at her eagerness.

"It certainly does."

Blake seemed almost dazed as they all gathered around to congratulate them.

"Doesn't it… bother you?" she asked.

"Why would it bother us?" Spencer asked. "Your personalities or abilities, especially work-related ones, hardly changed with the beginning of this relationship, did they?"

"Some people may not be so pleased though…" Blake muttered.

"Do these 'some people' need to know?" Morgan asked. The look on his face was completely innocent, but his voice was sly. "I for one have no problem keeping this between us. Anyone disagree?"

Nobody spoke up.

"That's settled then. Cheers ladies." He emptied his beer.

Rossi popped the champagne open, poured the pale golden beverage into crystal flutes and began handing them over to everyone. Once everyone was provided with the expensive drink, he raised his own glass.

"To love, which finds a way even in the darkest of environments, and to all the souls brave enough to embrace it when it comes their way."

"That was a beautiful toast, Dave," JJ said admiringly. Alex nodded. Her eyes glittered with tears. She loved this team so much she could barely fathom it. She loved them like… family.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" JJ whispered.

"I never thought it would be," Alex replied, attempting to sound haughty and failing miserably.

"Of course you didn't."

They both narrowed their eyes trying to stare the other one down, only to burst out in a relieved laughter at the exact same time. No matter what, this relationship was now blessed by the BAU team, and there were nobody else in the world who would watch their backs with more dedication.

And to hell with the rules.

* * *

**A/N**

I got a faceful of life there for a few days - damn, I hate when that happens and I have to leave my imaginary worlds - so it took a while longer than I expected to get this update done. However, here it is. And I have never been shot, much less shot in the shoulder, so I obviously wouldn't know what it feels like. I can only stretch my imagination so far when it comes to pain. Also, I'm a wuss, and Blake is not. XD

Another thing I want to point out: love is never wrong. Love is the definition of right. Remember that. People may sometimes do bad things in the name of love, but the feeling itself is the purest thing in the world and we should really give it more credit than we do and allow it to take the wheel more often. All hail the love.


	10. Chapter 10

"Jennifer?" Alex cuddled up close to her lover in bed and her breath was warm against JJ's neck. JJ put the book she was reading onto the bedside table to get her hands free, and closed her eyes in bliss at the close contact.

"Mm?"

"I hope I don't scare you off if I suggest that we, uh,…"

She trailed off.

"Ugh, you know what, never mind."

"No, what? Now you sparked my interest, so speak up," JJ replied. Alex pulled back a little, shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Nothing. Don't listen to me, I'm talking nonsense. You know, I'm _very _drunk."

JJ laughed out loud and nodded.

"Yes, you are. I told you that last scotch wasn't a good idea."

"Oh but it was! It was the _best _idea."

"You are going to suffer from _such _a hangover tomorrow," JJ remarked, looking immensely pleased with herself. "And I am not going to pity you for a second. I'm just gonna say 'I told you so' over and over again."

"No you won't," Alex huffed, "you're way too sweet to do that."

"Ah, but don't let the sweet face fool you," JJ shot back and kissed her cheek. "What was that suggestion again?"

"My suggestion… is that we revisit this topic tomorrow when our minds are clear."

"I'll hold you to it."

"Fine. In the meantime, if I told you that you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?"

"That one was so bad, I'll give you a pass because I feel sorry for your abused sense of humour," JJ snorted and pulled her lover close, taking care not to squeeze her bandaged shoulder. A low-pitched sound of complete and utter contentment emitted from Alex's throat; not quite a moan. JJ nuzzled her, inhaling the fading scent of her perfume mixed with cigarette smoke. JJ wasn't particularly found of the fact that her lover resorted to her old vice of smoking whenever she was more than slightly tipsy, but since she rarely got further than slightly tipsy JJ wasn't going to bitch about it.

"Are you… purring?" she chuckled.

"Mmmmm…"

"You are so weird."

"Lucky for you I choose to take that as a compliment," Alex groaned with her face pressed against JJ's left breast. "Turn off the lights."

"I can't. I'd have to move to reach the switch, and I am way too comfortable right here."

Alex only hummed in response and JJ realised to her amusement that she had fallen asleep.

_You really _are _weird_, JJ thought affectionately. _What was the suggestion you shied out of? Some kind of kinky sex? _

_Nah, probably not._

As Blake began to breathe deeply through her nose she started snoring a little as she usually did - JJ wasn't bothered by it but it was beyond funny to point it out to Alex, who would not, ever, in a million years, admit to such a thing.

But she herself had absolutely no problem informing JJ that the blonde farted in her sleep. Jesus Christ. How childish could a grown woman be anyway?

If JJ reached her free arm as far as she could, she could reach her cell phone. For a moment she hesitated, then decided that a recording of Alex's snoring would give her the evidence she needed.

Plus, it was the perfect bargaining tool, to make sure the older woman would keep her promise and tell JJ what she wasn't going to suggest here and now.

Okay, so maybe that was called blackmailing. But that was only a matter of semantics, really.

* * *

**A/N**

Ah, I just wrote this short scene and I thought it tied in with the abundant love in the previous chapter so I figured I'd post it right away. Just a little "couple sweetness" post-party. You know, this cuddliness is the reason I sort of regret being single, but... what the hell, at least I don't have to be subjected to someone recording my sleep sounds. Though I'm pretty sure I don't snore I know for a fact that I talk in my sleep, because I've woken myself up a few times doing it.

I would so end up on Youtube if I had a bed companion. XD

Aaaaand you _really_ didn't need to know that...! XD


	11. Chapter 11

"Good morning, sunshine," JJ said gleefully as Alex cracked one eyelid open. Upon the sight of her grinning blonde bed mate, she closed her eye again. God, her head felt like it was going to split. She reluctantly had to admit that JJ had been right; that last scotch _had _been a bad idea. A _terrible _one, to be brutally honest.

"How's your head today?" JJ continued, with absolutely no pity whatsoever in her voice.

"My head is fine," Alex lied and sat up.

"Mm-hmm," JJ hummed sceptically. "In that case, I could put these painkillers back into the bottle, right?" she grinned. Alex quickly reached out a hand and snatched them from JJ's palm before she could put the pills away.

"Shoulder hurts though," she said as if to explain her eagerness. JJ shook her head a little, deeply amused.

"What was that thing you tried to ask me last night?"

"I don't remember." But she looked away, and there was a definite blush colouring her cheeks with pink.

"I think you do, and I'm curious," JJ said and kissed one of those rosy cheeks. "I also happen to have a recording of you snoring and I may use it any way I see fit to get the truth out of you."

"Now I don't _want _to make that suggestion," Blake muttered and rubbed her temples with both hands, sniffing loudly. JJ glanced at her and realised that she actually was a little hurt, causing JJ to drop her little game right away.

"Sorry sweetie."

She grabbed her phone and poked at it a few times. "There. I've deleted the sound file. Sorry. I'm still curious though. Was it about…" her eyes glittered mischievously; "some kinky sex?"

Blake stared at her, wide-eyed, for several seconds before starting to laugh heartily.

"Oh my God Jennifer!" She laughed so hard small tears formed in her eyes and her head throbbed worse than ever, but this rather seemed to make the laughter even wilder - the whole idea seemed absurd. "No!"

"I wouldn't mind, though. I mean, if there's some kind of fantasy you'd like to try out, or anything like that."

Alex tilted her head to the side. Earlier in life, she had ventured into some lighter bondage, but that had mostly been due to curiosity and a pursuit of any kind of authority role rather than an actual sexual desire for bondage in itself. What she had on her mind at the moment was something on a much more emotional level.

"No, I'm incredibly content with our sexlife as it is," she said, still chuckling a little although the fits of uncontrollable laughter had died down. "It's very satisfying."

"Mmm, good."

Alex stroke her hair then got out of bed before JJ could question her further. She wanted a shower… and brushing her teeth. Why did she always end up smoking when she got drunk? It was like the bad habits she had once kicked came back with a vengeance as soon as she got a tad too much alcohol in her system. Luckily, at least she no longer felt the need to call Erin every time she got tipsy, which proved remarkable progress.

* * *

An hour later, as they sat down for breakfast, Alex spoke up again. She sounded a little hesitant, nervous even, but not as avoidant as she had been earlier.

"There _was _something else on my mind. Well, I shouldn't have brought it up when I had been drinking and that's why I didn't want to talk about it, and now I feel a bit silly…" she admitted. JJ reached across the table and put her and over Alex's, waiting until the other woman looked her in the eyes.

"You're not silly. I love you, honey."

"I love you too. Which is the reason I was going to ask if you think it's a good idea to…" she cleared her throat. "…exchange rings?"

JJ was stunned.

"If you think it's too soon to get engaged…" Alex began, but she was silenced and nearly knocked over by a deep, intense kiss that left her breathless and trembling.

"No, it's just about time," JJ whispered against her lips. "Wow. Just… wow."

"Wow indeed," Alex replied, overwhelmed by the reaction. "Watch the coffee," she added, as JJ was dangerously close of sending it tumbling to the floor. Some of the dark fluid splashed onto the table cloth.

"Who cares about the coffee?" JJ said and pulled her lover up in a standing position, gently enveloping her in a tight embrace. "Let's go out for breakfast instead. I'm buying. And then we can pop by at a jewellery store?"

"Sounds like a plan," Alex replied. For some reason she no longer felt hung-over. She only felt blessed and the strength of her love was so powerful it almost made her feel unreal; like a woman out of a dream world.

JJ was so happy she had to make an effort to keep from jumping around like a kid on Christmas eve. She tried to keep calm because she didn't want to appear quite so childish in front of her more mature lover… although she had just more or less jumped her on the kitchen table, which was a rather uncontrolled, immature behaviour if you thought about it.

While both knew at the back of their minds that if they both suddenly wore rings when neither of them had before, people were bound to notice. But it was a little bit too late to consider that now, besides, the only people who mattered already knew.

_Almost _all of them. There was still that tiny little issue about telling their families…

* * *

**A/N**

Sorry to the guest whose review I deleted, but you got the idea a little bit too soon and I didn't want the plot (such as it is) to be revealed before I could do it myself! LOL Yeah.

So, hope you guys still think it's a decent story… well, okay, _decent _maybe isn't the right word, but since I can't write sex scenes it won't explore Blake's liking to bondage or their great sexlife. That is one thing I leave to reader's imagination. ^^


	12. Chapter 12

They had very different approaches to difficult situations. They both knew it, but it was to become very clear in how they dealt with informing their families about the new person in their lives.

Alex called her dad and brother on the phone and told them flat out. She had the "ripping a band-aid off"-face on as she did, JJ noticed. When Alex saw that JJ looked at her, she shooed her out of the room. That too was characteristic for her. She couldn't have private conversations if anyone was at risk of overhearing. She couldn't do anything she deemed private if anyone was at risk of watching. Hell, she even locked the bathroom door behind her if JJ was in the house. Even if she only was in there to brush her teeth, blow her nose or sometimes even just to put on makeup.

After the calls she wasn't willing to talk about their reactions. JJ didn't ask either, knowing that Alex would share once she had mentally and emotionally processed it herself. Learning how to handle Alex's need to keep private was an interesting, not always _easy _but always _interesting_, task.

JJ, on the other hand, wasn't going to reveal such important life news over the phone.

"Alex, honey, when I tell my parents about you, I want you to be there."

"Afraid they'd think you're lying about what a catch I am?" Alex joked, but JJ saw the telltale signs of distress right away. Her eyes flickered away from JJ's, a muscle just underneath her left eye twitched a little, and most telling; she began turning the engagement ring around and around.

"No… I happen to want you to meet."

JJ put her hands over Alex's, stopping her from spinning the ring.

"Stop that. It's not coming off that finger anytime soon," she said, smiling. "Please, Alex. I really want to introduce you to them. I love you. I want my parents to know whom I love."

Alex took a deep breath and nodded.

"Alright."

JJ cocked her head to the side and reached out a hand to caress her fiancée's cheek.

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Alright with it?"

"Sure."

"Don't lie to me, sweetie."

Alex sighed loudly and threw out her hands in a gesture that said _fine, I surrender!_

"Okay, I'm not. I'm not alright. What will they think? Oh, look, here's the woman who's fucking our daughter. _Woman_. Fucking our _daughter_."

JJ stared at her, surprised at the harsh choice of words and even more about realising what the core issue was.

"You never really came out, did you?"

Alex licked her dry lips.

"No. I didn't exactly have a relationship. I mean… I had crushes on girls, but I was too afraid to tell anyone. And I did have a boyfriend or two before I met James, so I didn't have to explain myself either. As for Erin… well, it's pretty self-explanatory why I didn't 'come out' when I was with her."

JJ nodded.

"I didn't want my mom to find out, okay? I didn't want her to be disappointed with me. And dad… he has a problem with it. That's all I'm going to say right now, also we will _not _go to Kansas City to meet my dad in a foreseeable future, that's one thing for sure."

JJ understood. He hadn't been happy for his daughter's sake; he had given her a hard time. No wonder Alex didn't want to share it with JJ.

"Well, my parents are well aware that I'm bisexual. They know they can expect either a woman or a man as my partner. It's no big deal. They weren't overjoyed when I first told them, but they've gotten used to it over the years."

She scrutinised Alex, who only looked marginally calmer.

"You never told _anyone_?"

She shook her head.

"Oh my God, you must have felt like the loneliest person in the world," JJ said.

"Better to be safe than sorry, you know?"

"Sometimes safe _is _sorry," JJ mumbled softly and wrapped her lover in a warm, gentle embrace. "Honey, I know my parents are going to adore you."

"If you say so."

"I do."

"Well then, call your parents and arrange for us to see them."

"I love you Alex Blake."

"Love you too, Jennifer Jareau."

* * *

Alex ducked back to the kitchen as JJ made the phone call. She was shaking a little, and she didn't want her lover to notice. It was true that she had never stepped out of the closet, as the expression went. She hadn't really been in denial about her sexual orientation, but she knew her family's views on it and it just wasn't worth it. Not when she could show off a boyfriend or later a husband. They may have thought her behaviour odd from time to time, when she was trying to impress her girl crushes. Once in high school she had even signed up for riding lessons only because her crush owned a horse. Alex was terrified of horses, always had been, always would be, but she had endured almost six months before finally admitting defeat.

It was rather interesting now that she thought hard about it; how she had always tried to impress her female love interests. She had outdone herself each and every day for Erin Strauss, struggled to the limit of her ability to earn a single glance that said "wow."

Until now, with JJ. She felt no need to impress her in any way, shape or form. She felt secure that JJ loved her either way. That wasn't an issue. To be honest, she wasn't sure why she still felt the need to withdraw and keep her thoughts and fears to herself. She supposed it was a matter of old habits dying hard.

Now, she was more worried about not being able to impress JJ's _parents_. What if they didn't think she was good enough for JJ? This was the part she really hated when it came to relationships - the in-law-factor.

"Shit," she muttered to herself, and her fingers spun the ring around and around.

* * *

**A/N**

Aaaaand that's one hell of a forced chapter…! Ugh! The words really didn't cooperate with me; the image in my head was clear as day, but the words didn't want to flow. I hate when that happens.

Well, here it is, at last. An update. XD


	13. Chapter 13

"Relax," JJ said.

"What makes you think I'm not relaxed?" Alex replied.

"You're grinding your teeth, and you keep fiddling with your ring. Relax. It's going to be alright. I love you and my parents are going to adore you."

Alex exhaled loudly and brought a hand up to her mouth.

"And don't chew on your nails," JJ added.

Alex rolled her eyes and put both hands on her lap. "Is it okay if I breathe?"

JJ laughed a little and nodded. "Yes sweetie, you may breathe."

"How considerate of you," she said and blew a lungful of air in JJ's direction to spite her. JJ frowned.

"Have you been smoking?"

"Um, no! Well. Yes. A half. Well, one. But it was menthol."

JJ shook her head. "You display every single nervous tic in the book and you still claim you're relaxed. Really. What do you take me for? Deaf, dumb _and _blind?"

"I would sure hope not since you're the one driving."

"You can be _so _cheeky when you wanna be," JJ remarked. "But that doesn't get you off the hook this time, so just sit back and enjoy the ride. We still have one more hour to drive so I suggest you start thinking of how to look your most charming."

Alex shot her a nervous glance.

"I'm _kidding_!" JJ shook her head again. "They're my parents, not some flesh-eating aliens from outer space."

Alex hummed in response, not sounding completely convinced. JJ bit her lip trying not to grin. It was so cute when her fiancée got all fidgety and tried to hide it like this. It was particularly cute given how much Alex tried to keep a straight face at all times.

"Do you want to stop for a bathroom break? A cup of coffee? Tranquilizer?"

"Well aren't you cut out for stand-up comedy."

JJ chuckled. "I take that as a no."

* * *

An hour later, JJ parked the car outside a nice and not at all intimidating house in the suburbs and looked over at her partner. Alex was chewing her lip. JJ thought it was a good thing her lover didn't bother with lipstick, or she would have gnawed it right off by now. Her heart ached for the insecure yet so incredibly strong woman next to her. She reached out her hand and put it over Alex's, stroking her ring with one finger.

"Listen to me sweetheart," she said and then fell silent as she waited for a response to prove that the other woman was listening. Eventually Alex looked up at her.

"What?"

"I love you. I _know _my parents are going to adore you, but no matter how much you may doubt it, at least believe in my love for you."

"I do," Alex replied hoarsely. "I do, or I wouldn't be here at all."

"Good. Come on. I want to show you off, can't you see that?" JJ growled and kissed her quickly at the corner of her mouth. "You really have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?"

"I guess I don't."

"Come," JJ said softly. "I'll make it up to you. Just come with me, sit down and endure an incredibly awkward first meeting with your future in-laws, and tomorrow night I promise I will cover you in chocolate sauce and lick it right off."

"That's unfair."

"It is, how?"

"Why do _you _always get to eat the chocolate sauce?" Alex muttered and unbuckled her seat belt. "I'm not on a diet or anything."

"I'll keep that in mind," JJ said and gave her lover another quick kiss. "And so should you now; mom is a divine cook and you will regret it if you don't eat well."

Alex, who was so nervous she doubted it if she would be able to even consume plain water, simply smiled and agreed. For the peace of the relationship. It was unnecessary to get into a fight right now.

* * *

The woman who opened the door looked so much like JJ it was almost unsettling. Though she was chubby and her blonde hair was greying, she had the same blue eyes and sweet smile. Alex felt comfortable with her right away.

"Hello, dear. I'm Margaret Jareau." she said and extended her hand. Alex took it. The handshake was firm and warm.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Alex Blake."

"Is that short for Alexandra?"

"No, I'm just Alex."

Margaret Jareau watched her closely as she let go of her hand. "I don't think it's anything as common as 'Just Alex' about you, dear. You were after all the one who finally made our Jennifer stop running and come back to see what she was missing."

"Mom," JJ warned.

"What? You never stayed very long with either boyfriend or girlfriend. I never thought I'd see the day you got engaged."

"I'm working with the FBI, it's kind of hard to entertain a relationship with that occupation," JJ patiently explained. Alex tried to bite back a smile, but she was pretty sure she failed.

"Apparently not with the right person," Margaret retorted and winked at Alex, who knew for certain she wasn't going to hold back that smile for much longer. JJ sighed and rolled her eyes.

"I'm sorry about that, my mom is…"

"Being your mom," Alex finished the sentence. JJ gave her a side glance as if to say _whose side are you on? _The brunette ignored it and merely laced her fingers together with JJ's, a gesture she usually wasn't comfortable with if others could see it. JJ relaxed, only then realising how tense she had been herself. Her mother nodded a little and turned around;

"Frank!" she called out over her shoulder. "They're here!"

A tall grey-haired man approached. He was tanned and had deeply lined face, but when he smiled he looked young. He embraced his daughter and kissed her forehead before turning to Alex and shaking her hand.

"So you're the mysterious Alex," he said. "Nice to finally meet you. I only have one question for you."

Alex winced inwardly but refused to let it show. "Shoot."

"Beer or wine?"

"Beer, please."

He nodded and she had a feeling she had just passed some kind of test. Perhaps this evening wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

**A/N**

I felt like I needed to get back into this story a little, I've let it fall behind a bit while I'm working on other projects, fanfics and original...

Hope you guys like it. If it's headed where I think it's headed, it's going to get awkward for them soon enough, so let's allow Alex to feel calm a little while before it comes to that. ^^


	14. Chapter 14

**Quick note: chapter mentions miscarriage and not wanting children. Don't wanna read about it, read no further.**

* * *

But Alex should have known the issue would come up, it always did. Not until dessert this time, but it did come up, alright.

"Do you have children?"

Alex dropped her spoon with a loud clunking noise.

"No," she clipped. She knew she was being rude, but she hated getting this question. She hoped they would take the hint, but unfortunately experience had taught her that everyone made at least one more attempt to push the matter.

"Too bad. You would have made a wonderful mother," Margaret Jareau said.

"No, I wouldn't have, believe me," Alex retorted. JJ gave her a puzzled glance. They had never discussed this topic before; they had been far too caught up in the whirlwind of infatuation to discuss anything beyond their wish to be with each other. But JJ could admit that Alex wasn't particularly good with children. While Alex seemed to be a very patient person to anyone who didn't know her well, the truth was that she had very little patience for unplanned things, messy situations, unrestrained affections and shrill noises. Which, when you thought hard about it, was children in a nutshell. JJ simply couldn't imagine Alex rocking a crying baby or wiping up puke. Plus, if Alex didn't get her eight hours of sleep she was more homicidal than most of the killers they chased, but in a refined and more passive-aggressive kind of way. All JJ knew for certain was that no, Alex wasn't a kid-person, so she gently steered the topic back towards less contaminated areas. Books and languages were usually safe choices and it seemed to work this time as well. JJ heaved an inward sigh of relief and prayed that the rest of the meal would go smoothly.

It did, but Alex had a vague look of discomfort in her eyes for the rest of the evening, and when they had said their goodbyes and gone back out to their car, it had deepened. It was no longer vague, it was very visibly uncomfortable; perhaps even sad.

JJ tried to walk on like nothing had happened, knowing how much Alex hated it when she was too curious or intruded on her thoughts before Alex had sorted them out herself… but she couldn't shake the feeling that this was something that still happened.

* * *

Silent stars twinkled on the darkening sky and the air was crisp. Alex leaned against the car and lit a cigarette.

"I know you don't like this," she said, "but you won't like what I'm going to say either, no more than I want to say it, and right now I need the nicotine for support."

JJ said nothing. She stepped up next to her lover, close enough for their shoulders to touch, and said;

"I think I know what it's about already. We don't have to talk about it out here."

"No, I need to say this, but I can only say it once. If you're with me, there will be no children. End of story. If you want kids - and you're precisely that age when starting a family is at its most important - we must break this off."

"But there are alternatives…" JJ objected. Alex took a deep drag on the cigarette and coughed out the smoke while shaking her head.

"Yes, there are, and you may explore those alternatives with another woman. But not with me. I don't want children."

JJ looked at her lover's strained face, reached out a hand and took the half-smoked cigarette from her, dropped it on the ground and stepped on it.

"Okay," she said. "It's okay."

"We should have talked about this sooner," Alex mumbled. "I don't want to ensnare you in something that you will regret in a year or two," she continued and started to take off her ring. JJ put both hands over hers.

"That stays where it is. Come on, let's go and find our hotel, share a bottle of wine on the room, and talk. We don't have to talk about this."

"What else is there to talk about?"

"The fact that my father patted you on the shoulder when you discussed the World Series with him?"

"What about that?"

"You're the man, Alex." JJ grinned. "In my father's eyes you just became Prince Charming to come and sweep up his little princess."

"Because I knew some baseball scores?"

"Yep. Don't ask, he's weird that way," JJ said and kissed Alex on the side of her mouth. "Hotel room. Shower. Wine. Bed."

Alex relented.

"Okay. But you still have the escape hatch open for you, you know. You don't have to stay with me."

"But I want to. You're just doing the old Morgan speech now, trying to make me break up with you because you have issues but don't want to take the blame."

"But you don't…"

"Understand? Aw, she don't understand me, yo," JJ said in a laughably bad imitation of Derek Morgan. Alex's stone face cracked up in a big smile.

"He doesn't sound like that."

"Yeah, he does. When he goes all _woe is me_, he does sound like that. And so do you, sweetheart. If you want to leave me, then do. But don't tell me _I _want to leave you, because I don't."

* * *

There was a little bit more to say on the matter, and after a hot shower and a few sips of an awful cheap wine, Alex could say it.

"I had never planned to get pregnant in the first place. I wanted us to focus on our careers, and James wasn't a fatherly type any more than I am the motherly, so we were pretty content with life as it was. Then I got pregnant. God knows how, because I was on the pill, but clearly that was one of those few percent where it didn't work. James was delighted. I wasn't."

She drank more wine.

"It wasn't like I was deliberately trying to hurt the baby, I lived very healthily, gave up smoking, drinking, coffee…"

"_You _gave up _coffee_?"

"Frightening, isn't it?"

"On top of pregnancy hormones, yeah, it has to have been."

Alex pondered throwing something at her lover, but the only things within her immediate reach was the wine, which was cheap but not so bad it was worth throwing away, and the pillow she sat propped up against. And it seemed like a bad idea to get uncomfortable for such a small victory, so she settled for giving JJ the finger.

JJ squealed, and pretended to sound angry but it turned out more like a giggle.

"What are you doing?! I have _never _seen you do that before! Bad girl!"

"Keep insulting me and you might see more of it. Anyway. James went all in with the whole family thing, and the more invested he was, the less interested I became. I started feeling like this life inside of me was more of a parasite, one that would never go away, rather than a baby. James wanted me to quit my job and become a housewife. I think he liked the idea of knowing where he had me. A good little wife and baby at home, and a good family provider out on job. The perfect family to him, the perfect trap to me. It was a bad pregnancy; everything made me sick. Smells, tastes, textures of different foods, you name it." She shuddered at the memory of eating anything that crunched - it seemed like the sound had amplified throughout her skull and made her dizzy and nauseous. Ridiculous, really, but she hadn't eaten cornflakes since. Not once.

"I was six months pregnant when I fell down the stairs at home. There was no foul play, it was just a horrible accident… but I lost the baby. It bled out of me as if it had never wanted to be in there in the first place."

"Oh, honey," JJ said and climbed onto the bed, embracing the other woman.

"And the worst part is that what I remember most afterwards was relief. Not having to share my husband's love with someone else; there was so precious little left for me as it was. James loved his work, his colleagues, his hard-earned money, his home, and his wife, in that order. A few years later James thought it was time we tried, really tried this time, but… nothing came out of it. And I was once more relieved, because a woman who doesn't want a child should not have one because of convention or someone else's wishes. Every child should be wanted from the start, that's how I feel about it, and if that makes me a horrible person, so be it. But I don't want you to get trapped with me if you want something different."

She emptied the glass and put it on the nightstand, where it stood and looked out of place next to the Bible.

"You could have just told me you don't want children," JJ said softly. "I would have accepted it. Not everybody wants babies, for various of reasons. I don't choose to be with you because maybe one day I want to raise a child with you; I choose to be with you because _I love you_."

"Yes, but you are fifteen years younger than I am, so our perspectives are somewhat different."

"Ah, here comes the age thing. Is there anything else you can bring up as an excuse to break up a relationship we just recently put a ring on? Because if not, I would like to snuggle up close to my fiancée and spoon her. Or smother her with a pillow if she won't shut up, of course."

Alex shook her head.

"God, you're bossy."

"Look who's talking, if it isn't my Yankees fan," JJ said and put two fingers under Alex's chin. "I want you to kiss me and forget everything about family, the past, conventions and age, can you do that?"

Alex looked into the other woman's big, sky-blue eyes and allowed herself to stop thinking.

"Yes, I can," she whispered.

"Prove it," JJ demanded as she pressed her lips against Alex's.

So Alex did. But deep inside she was still worried that once the news had sunk in, JJ would take her chances and leave her. And was that so strange about that? There was never seemingly enough love to fulfil Alex Blake's need for it. Maybe she demanded too much of it, maybe there simply wasn't enough love left for her when people had given their share to others, maybe she didn't give enough to deserve it.

"Now you're thinking again," JJ breathed against her neck. "Stop it immediately."

"I love you Jennifer," Alex sobbed. "I love you. I do. I love you."

"I love you too."

Maybe - just maybe - JJ did have enough love to fill that endless need. And maybe Alex did have the ability to return it. She relaxed a little. All she needed to know was that right now JJ was in her arms. What happened tomorrow would have to be fought tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N**

I haven't written anything on this story in ages, and this chapter was quite difficult to write. I personally don't want children, I'm beginning to think I completely lack maternal instincts, so it's very difficult for me to address these topics with any kind of sensitivity because to me it's like "What? Kids? Nope," and that's it. But the issue was bound to come up sooner or later in this fic, so there it is. I know it's not as well done as it probably should be, but I have a really hard time writing things concerning that topic, so I apologise for it.

Also, I decided to go with Blake's initial not-having-children persona for this fic because to me, the moment the show's writers threw the 'had a child that died at a young age' thing into the mix, it didn't make sense. So Garcia didn't know that after cyber-stalking her when Blake first joined the team? Really? I don't buy it. Besides, Blake never did strike me as a particularly motherly type in any way, which I for one found refreshing. :)


End file.
